Guys, it’s getting really bad. I’m drinking all the time. Licorice root tea, green tea, orange peel with ginger root and eucalyptus, red rooiboos, rosehips, honeybush, nettle, raspberry leaf, lemongrass, peppermint, spearmint, dandelion, jasmine, chamomile, saffron. I’ve started hoarding cute little bags of organic green tea, petting them with shameful delight when nobody’s looking, keeping an assorted stash in my bag while I’m at work. I’ve got a cold-steep bottle with me wherever I go. I must constantly pee. My friends may not have fully seen it yet, but my skin is looking alarmingly sexy, increasingly free of blemishes, and I’m menstruating normally like a female in full moon. This could be bad. I can stop anytime, but maybe I’m too far gone. Next I’ll be foraging and brewing my own from the wild. My friend said I’m on the risky road to herbalism, and there’s no turning back. I’m so thirsty I can’t go a few hours without sneaking a sip. I fear I shall never recover.